Dayum, dude, you've flipped me! Those scientist fellows must be complete clowns, and much stupider than the rest of us! All their theories have to be wrong because they can't agree on anything! How stupid! "It could be this, it could be that..." c'mon! What kind of crap is that! They don't even know what theories ARE!!!
Now I'm just a regular person here, and so I know what's what. I got a theory of who is going to win the 4th race at Yonkers Raceway when it's next open, and it's really solid. Phoenix, send me $100 and I'll double it! Guaranteed!! Can't miss!!! Now *that's* the kind of theory you can sink your teeth into! Yessir, guaranteed winnings! Just send me the cash, and we'll be rich!
Now, who's this John Cleese person? I've always looked up to you as a standard for obvious objectivity, true facts, yes, Truth, Justice, and the American Way! Surely you're better than John Cleese at whatever it is he does! After all, you come on here often to enlighten us poor ignorant people, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that! The information you spread around is priceless! I'm originally from farm country, and I know just how priceless that is! I mean, where would we be without food.
So don't be discouraged, and don't feel bad. Know that your many fans here realize that you outdo John Cleese every time you write something here. Keep up the good work! Go forward with your head held high. [Just step carefully so you don't slip...]